My Last Night in Statesboro

I'm sitting on my bed in my mostly empty apartment after finishing my last day at work and I'm starting to look around me. All my things are packed in my car except for the bedding and a couple of suitcases that are still open waiting to be forced shut and the room feels as if it did when I first moved in- white and lonely. It doesn't have that comfortable, cozy, this-is-my-room feeling that it once had when it was filled with all my belongings.

As I sit here, everything sort of hits me. Not in an emotional breakdown sort of way, at least not yet, but, in a different, unexplainable sort of way. In a couple of very short weeks, I will be headed 2,500 miles to Los Angeles, California and all of the different emotions that I am experiencing are somewhat overwhelming. For the past week or so, I've had many moments where I think to myself "You're fucking crazy. What are you doing?" and, it's almost like I'm arguing with myself. I think back "I'm not crazy. This is what I want to do and I will make it happen." I think that this is the "internal conflict" that many of my literature teachers throughout the years have tried to explain yet, I never really fully comprehended. Now, I fully comprehend it- now more than ever.

But, I think this sort of "internal conflict" that I have is healthy and it's keeping me focused and determined. If I didn't have it, then I think I would definitely be crazy. 

Now that we've established, at least for the moment, that I am, in fact, not crazy, I have to pack the remainder of my things and head to bed. Checking out of my apartment as early as possible and then headed to spend New Year's Eve in Augusta and definitely looking forward to celebrating. 

-Cody