Postponed

Well, I regret to say that I have had to put my move to LA temporarily on hold. Honestly, I have a lot that I need to deal with mentally before I can move cross-country away from friends and family. I made this decision a couple of weeks ago but struggled significantly with the fact that I feel like a disappointment, not only to myself, but to my family, friends and peers. I've come to the point where I need to put what people think aside and do what is best and healthy for me. I'm going to apply that idea to this blog and I'm going to write how I feel and disregard what people think. I think being more honest and real will be more helpful to me and more entertaining to my readers- because who doesn't like to read about the trials and tribulations of people, even as ordinary as someone like me? So, here it goes.

I've been dealing with a lot since I've moved home since January. I have always struggled off and on with minor anxiety, but sometime in January, this off and on minor anxiety quickly ballooned into a full fledged problem. I am constantly on edge and suffer daily, sometimes multiple times, from intense panic attacks. So intense that I end up having panic attacks just worrying about having another panic attack and I am constantly exhausted. It's a vicious cycle. I honestly have no idea what is causing such anxiety within me so I have decided to see a psychologist. Hopefully talking with her can help me discover what the root of my anxiety is because I have gotten to the point to where I just feel mentally numb. I'm also thinking of getting a seasonal part time job for the next couple months just to get out of the house and have some human interaction to keep my mind off of things and make some extra money.

I also had my tarot cards read recently and whether or not you believe in that kind of thing, it really enlightened me and helped me view my life in a different way. In helped me in such a way that the intensity of my anxiety has actually decreased some. Magic or not, I think that they can help you think about things in a different way and help you bring to light different avenues of thought.

So there we go. Believe it or not, it felt good just to write it out. I even contemplated deleting it just because I felt better... but, what kind of blog would that be?

-Cody

Homeschooling

Since things have been going unexpectedly slow in finding an available place to stay once arriving in Los Angeles, I decided that I should maybe order some books and do a little homeschooling over what I was getting myself into. A week or so ago, I ordered five books from Amazon and over the past few days they have been arriving in the mail. I've already finished two and I'm halfway through my third. I treat these book like textbooks: I read them and try to identify and memorize the most important aspects of each one. As I was readying one of my "textbooks" yesterday in Starbucks, I realized that I was not only learning, but learning about things that I actually cared about. This brought on a feeling of great satisfaction. Yes, some of the classes I took in college were interesting, but I didn't really care- I just cared about making good grades. By taking it upon myself to learn more about the things I am interested in doing once I'm in L.A., I find that I absorb and retain more information than I ever did in college. Maybe our failing education system could learn something from this. What if allowing kids to choose at least a couple of classes that they actually want to learn about would result in better retention of information? Just a thought.

As for my voyage to L.A.: I'm talking with a friend there to see if he and his roommate would mind me staying with them for a month or two so that I can actually look at potential apartments and attend job interviews in person. I think this would make things a little easier than being over 2,000 miles away and trying to find a decent place and apply for jobs. My plan is to be on my way before the end of the month. It's hard just sitting at home when people expect you to have been to L.A. a month ago, but I don't want to rush into things and end up on a plane back to Georgia in six months. I'm doing this for me, not other people. When the time is right and everything is set up, I will be on my way.

-Cody