Postponed

Well, I regret to say that I have had to put my move to LA temporarily on hold. Honestly, I have a lot that I need to deal with mentally before I can move cross-country away from friends and family. I made this decision a couple of weeks ago but struggled significantly with the fact that I feel like a disappointment, not only to myself, but to my family, friends and peers. I've come to the point where I need to put what people think aside and do what is best and healthy for me. I'm going to apply that idea to this blog and I'm going to write how I feel and disregard what people think. I think being more honest and real will be more helpful to me and more entertaining to my readers- because who doesn't like to read about the trials and tribulations of people, even as ordinary as someone like me? So, here it goes.

I've been dealing with a lot since I've moved home since January. I have always struggled off and on with minor anxiety, but sometime in January, this off and on minor anxiety quickly ballooned into a full fledged problem. I am constantly on edge and suffer daily, sometimes multiple times, from intense panic attacks. So intense that I end up having panic attacks just worrying about having another panic attack and I am constantly exhausted. It's a vicious cycle. I honestly have no idea what is causing such anxiety within me so I have decided to see a psychologist. Hopefully talking with her can help me discover what the root of my anxiety is because I have gotten to the point to where I just feel mentally numb. I'm also thinking of getting a seasonal part time job for the next couple months just to get out of the house and have some human interaction to keep my mind off of things and make some extra money.

I also had my tarot cards read recently and whether or not you believe in that kind of thing, it really enlightened me and helped me view my life in a different way. In helped me in such a way that the intensity of my anxiety has actually decreased some. Magic or not, I think that they can help you think about things in a different way and help you bring to light different avenues of thought.

So there we go. Believe it or not, it felt good just to write it out. I even contemplated deleting it just because I felt better... but, what kind of blog would that be?

-Cody