Adventures Into My Mind

It's been a while since I've posted, but I've been dealing with things and I felt compelled to update tonight for whatever reason.

*Disclaimer*

I would like to just say that I don't want people to feel bad for me in anyway after reading this entry. It is what it is, I'm figuring it out and I'm simply writing this as a type of outlet. Also, just because I mention some 'causes' of my issues, does not mean that it is their fault. We all experience different events and through those we form and carry different ideals throughout our lives. Rather than blame them, we must realize, accept and handle them on our own terms.

I've been seeing a psychologist for the past five weeks and with her I have uncovered some important things that I have been over looking in my life- possibly doing so in fear of truly accepting it. I've come to realize that one of my biggest issues can be simply put as 'never good enough.' This has ultimately taken a large toll on my self-esteem and has created insecurities. Another, issue is living in a society and culture that fears and refuses to understand and tolerate my sexuality. It's hard to be yourself when the mindset that surrounds you on a daily basis refutes your lifestyle based on fear and ignorance.

These two issues among my parents divorce and my current family life have all had a role in creating my anxiety, but the most important role goes to my way of thinking. This is the most important role because this is the one thing that I have control over. I am working on changing my thought processes to see things in a different light. Rearranging and reforming your thoughts can play a huge part in how you feel, analyze and react to various situations.

In these past five weeks, I have learned a lot about my self and my thoughts. I feel as if I have grown  from this experience and I have leaned to accept the above issues because they are the some of the very reasons that are pushing me even harder to pursue my dreams of moving to LA and working in the film business. For that, I am thankful.

-Cody